8 things people probably won’t tell you about life:
- Your parents may have done the best they could do, but that doesn’t mean they did a good job.
As a general rule, everyone will always tell you to forgive the mistakes that your parents made raising you, because they did the best they could. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean that they should be off the hook. Growing up, my parents would bribe me with food to stay in my bedroom and stay quiet while they had company over, because they didn’t want me to get in the way. Did they necessarily mean any harm by it? Probably not. But did it make me grow up to be a person who fears being around people because I feel like I’m unwanted in the situation? Absolutely. My parents have also told me that I’m fat and a burden to have around. Sure, maybe it was said in moments of weakness. Maybe they were dealing with things that I was unaware of and they were just frustrated. But that doesn’t make them innocent. Don’t let people tell you to forgive them because they’re your parents and you have to. Forgive them because you’re a good person and you want to, and you love them. Do not forgive for stupid reasons like, “they gave you life.” Sure, they did, but they also made it hell sometimes.
- It’s okay to not know what you’re doing.
We grow up being told that at around 18 years old, you should already know what want to do with your life and how to achieve it. This is bullshit. We’re put under so much pressure that we end up making decisions we regret in the long run. People get degrees in things they don’t care about about, which turns into a career they don’t care about, resulting in a really unhappy life. There is no shame in working in retail or at a restaurant to fill in the gaps between school and a happy career. It takes time to figure these things out, and that is okay.
- You don’t have to go to college.
Sometimes you do. But sometimes you don’t. My boyfriend wants to be some kind of scientist. He needs to go to college for that. There are things he’ll learn in college that he couldn’t learn anywhere else. And he loves science, so he is truly going to be happy with the years he spent in school. I am planning to be a makeup artist and graphic designer. Yes, these require cosmetology school, and in some cases, you could go to college for graphic design. But you can also buy some editing software and figure it out yourself. There are true, fulfilling careers that don’t require you to spend $40,000 and 4 years in classrooms. And general education classes? A complete waste if you truly know what you want to do, and it has nothing to do with statistics, or some other required class.
- You actually probably should keep your bedroom clean.
BAM didn’t see that coming, did you? But in my opinion, it’s true. Maybe your room is “an organized mess.” Yeah, it’s easy to look down at the floor and find what you’re looking for. But you will feel so calm walking into a neat, organized room that smells like lavender instead of old pizza at the end of the day. You don’t need to make your bed every morning or compulsively scrub the walls, but put your clothes away. Put dirty dishes in the sink. Put your makeup in bins instead of on the floor. You’ll thank me.
- Take care of yourself mentally.
Everyone knows to take care of themselves physically. Go to the doctor if you have sharp pains in your stomach. Take ibuprofen if you have a headache. Go to the dentist if your teeth hurt. So why does no one see a therapist when their heart (metaphorically) hurts? Why don’t we take antidepressants if we are clearly depressed? Why do we push all these things to the side and let them slowly build up into a panic attack? DON’T. There is absolutely no shame in having a mental disorder. They’re way more common than you think. And you could be in the best physical shape of your life, but it doesn’t matter if you’re mentally sick. You also don’t need to have a diagnosed mental disorder to talk to a therapist. Everyone should see a therapist once a month or so, just to keep yourself in balance. Love yourself, take care of yourself, and get help.
- Send handwritten cards to your friends for their birthday (or other special occasions).
Go to Target, buy a small box of standard cards. Mine have 16 different colored owls on them. They’re blank on the inside, so I can use them for any occasion. Everyone is so hellbent on texting or facebooking their happy birthday’s to each other. Writing out a card takes all of five minutes, and stamps really are not that expensive. Stop at the post office and send it. Your friend will seriously appreciate it. It’s about a thousand times more thoughtful than saying “happy birthday girlie!” in a facebook wall post.
- DO NOT take a job you don’t like.
Some may see this as bad advice, because let’s face it, we all need to make money one way or another. But so many people take crappy jobs just for the sake of getting a paycheck. DON’T. Your mental health will suffer. You’ll wake up every day thinking “shit, I have to go back to that place I hate again.” Work somewhere you like! It may take a little longer to find the right job for you, but you’ll find it, I promise. I work full time at a bookstore. Could I find a job making more money? Probably. But I likely won’t find one that I enjoy more, until I finish getting my cosmetology license. My dad always says “any job that pays you is a good job” and that’s just plain wrong. You’re setting yourself up to have a bad day if you don’t like your job, or your boss, or your coworkers.
- Don’t listen to what others say about you.
People will be mean to you. People will say bad things about you. They will try to tear you down just to make themselves feel better. And you know what you should do? Absolutely nothing. Don’t dwell on it. Decide if it’s a valid point or not, and if it’s not, move the hell on. Maybe the girl who sits next to you says you’re ugly. FUCK HER. Tell her to spread her negativity elsewhere, and smile. You’re beautiful, and one day she’ll realize that. But then, what about the people who are nice? This will sound crazy, but their opinions shouldn’t really affect yours, either. My boyfriend tells me I’m pretty every day. But I would never rely on his opinion to form my own opinion of myself. Appreciate the compliment, thank them for it, and continue to think for yourself.
Best friend drama.
I have been best friends with the same girl since I was 10 years old. I’m now 20, so do the math, it’s been exactly half my life that she’s been my bestie.
She and I are very different, and it always worked pretty well. We kind of balanced each other out, in a way. I’m overly cynical, apathetic, and sarcastic. She’s overly emotional, caring, and optimistic. People regularly asked if we were sisters because it seemed like there was no way two people so different could really be best friends by choice.
Over the last year or so, her and I have both been changing a LOT. Somehow we’ve both just come to new realizations and such, and we’ve grown more in the last year than we probably have all our lives. What never changed about us, though, was how much we love each other.
There have been things about her lately that have started to really bother me. Things that are irrelevant to the story, but I’ve found myself having a lot of trouble tolerating her. I knew our friendship was coming to a bad point, and I tried so hard to avoid it. That’s what I do. I avoid things. I was raised to ignore everything.
She kept pushing me to talk about our relationship because she didn’t like where it was heading. I was having trouble being very nice to her because she just irritated me so much. I should’ve handled it better, but hey, what’s done is done. But her pushing me to talk really just pushed me over the edge with our friendship. We had a massive fight and we haven’t spoken in three weeks. We unfollowed each other’s tumblrs but naturally, we both still read them.
She wrote a post about how she hopes that in time I’ll be able to talk to her and we’ll be friends again. I wrote a post about how glad I am to be rid of her. Which was how I honestly felt. Now it’s just weird. I miss her and I want her back, but I know it won’t be the same and I don’t want a different friendship with her. I want things the way they were 6 months ago.
So I kind of don’t know what to do. I want to text her and ask if we can go to our therapist together (yes, we even go to the same therapist). I feel like nothing productive will be said unless we’ve got a mediator, and our therapist is the most unbiased person possible. But if anything does happen, I want to at least wait a few months. I don’t know. I feel like this is just a really bad time for us to be friends. And it sucks.
I go to a Thai Vinyasa Flow class every Tuesday night. It’s the highlight of my week. I have only been doing it for three weeks, but I really love it.
Yoga is so beneficial to me for so many reasons. I’m a pretty inactive person, and this is a workout that I LOVE doing. I get really excited for my yoga classes. The class I attend is an hour and 15 minutes long, and at the end I always find myself thinking, “really?! We can’t keep going?!”
I never thought that yoga would be particularly challenging. I thought the only difficulty I would have is my lack of flexibility. However, yoga is actually a full body workout. My arms, legs, and abs ache the day after a practice. What’s weird is that while it is super challenging, and I will be literally dripping sweat during a class, it never feels like I want to stop. Maybe I just get bored, but during a workout at a regular gym, running or weight lifting or whatever, I get SO bored. I’m never bored during yoga and I love the sense of happiness and peace it brings into my life. I’m also so amused when we do a toe-touching pose (I don’t know what it’s called :X ) and toward the beginning of this class I can’t reach my toes, but then toward the end of the class when we do it again, I can reach very easily and comfortably.
I’m applying to a new job tomorrow (I’m so broke) and I’m going to buy a yoga pass, but I’m not quite sure which package I want yet.
What I really love about yoga is that literally no one is judging me. I always feel weird at the gym because it feels like people are staring at me, silently judging how fast / slow I’m running, how little weight I can lift, how many sit ups I can’t do. At yoga, 90% of the time no one’s even looking at me, and if they do they just smile and continue worrying about themselves. I made a friend who goes to the same class as me, and we have the same name. Pointless fact.
So yeah, DO YOGA!
Mini hair cutting adventures!
Today I was very bored, and as I was getting ready to go out to dinner with my family, I thought, “WOW my bangs are really long and don’t even count as bangs anymore. I should fix that!”
Armed with some totally not professional scissors, I cut about two inches off of my bangs and angled them down the way I like them, and now I feel cute again. That’s it! That’s the whole story!
Mallory tries yoga
One of the things that I’ve been wanting to try for a really long time is yoga. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say anything bad about yoga. One of my good friends has an older sister who owns a yoga studio, and she got me a free class so I could give it a shot (I’m pretty deep in debt and can’t afford the $15/class).
First of all, let me say that I love the studio’s location. It’s just slightly outside of downtown Cleveland, a place which has always made me feel a little giddy driving through, because Cleveland truly is a magical place when you look past the all the murders and hostages.
I was pretty nervous because I’ve never done yoga before, I am not flexible, athletic, or even slightly in shape. I got there and my friend was already there, and she introduced me to the teacher who was the calmest woman I’ve ever met. They both reassured me that no one judges there, and no one cares if you kinda suck or have to fall out of a pose.
The class was an hour and 15 minutes long and it was incredible. I have never felt so at peace in my life. The teacher was there to give me little tips on how to stand, and she helped hold me steady doing this one pose that I can’t remember the name of, but it involved balancing on one leg and leaning and reaching forward with your other leg straight back.
It was a really awesome experience and I will definitely be making yoga a regular part of my life.
My new blog has been born! Happy birthday, self improvement blog. :)
I thought I would just formally introduce myself real quick. I’m Mallory, I’m 20, and I love change. That’s sort of what this blog is about: change.
I’m at a pivotal point in my life, and since I’m a blog whore, I’ve decided to document it all.
It’s currently 1:50 in the morning so my mission for tonight is just to read some and go to bed before 6 am.
Tomorrow (today?), I’ll be starting a project. It’s called, “Projekt clean the hell out of my bedroom.”
Sound exciting? Yeah…I’m not too thrilled myself. But just wait until you see the before and afters. Hopefully, you’ll be shocked at what a few hours of cleaning can do.
Somewhat symbolic. Beginning the cleansing of all the bullshit from my life with cleaning my room. Yeah? No?